Currently,

It's Sunday, the first day of the week and it's already raining. The air conditioner is on at full blast. I make myself a cup of coffee. I half grimaced at the pack of French Vanilla coffee which he gave me. Ah well. A streak of lightning passes my window followed by the groaning thunder which I swear made the ground shake. I close the blinds. I start listening to Death Cab. Soul Meets Body. I grew up thinking that the area in mountains where the land ends and the clouds greet the earth is where some people went to die. I remember a phrase I randomly said to a friend, when we were having fun and I suddenly fell silent. I am tempted to smoke again. I look at the pile of old and weather-beaten Jack Kerouac books on the table and accidentally sat on Charles Bukowski.

He was right, you know. In reality, the future has become more of a threat than a promise.

Freak Accident

For the past few days, I have been having repetitive dreams about one person. One who definitely shouldn't be there anymore. Last night was the most awful one I felt like crying when I woke up. Seriously, it has been more than 6 years. Ex-boyfriends should stay that way unless you were friends. EX-cluded from you life.

As far as relationships go, I think I've only met 1 person who meant that much to me. I mean, sure, I've had flings here and there, even had 3 of them happening at the same time, but that was all entertainment and ego-boosters. None of them were really serious. From the get go, it was already an unwritten contract that none of us would harbor any deep feelings for each other, so when it ended, it just ended. No drama. No deep and meaningful talk on how we enriched each other's lives but sometimes you have to let go, none of that bullshit. When one of us got bored, we just packed our bags and said adios. And that's the way I liked it. No fuss, no muss.

Of course it wasn't always that way. I mean, seriously, one doesn't go from fling to fling without at least experiencing the real thing.

In my case, it happened in high school. NOT GONNA GO INTO THAT MUSHY DETAIL. All I'm saying is that I really liked the guy, but it was just too messy and complicated, and as time went by, I soon realized the main thing about it: it was one-sided. I used to feel bad about being in love with a guy who didn't love me back the way I wanted him to. But I just got over it after a while.

So anyway, THAT guy. I didn't have any sort of communication with him for 4 years. During my senior year in college around August, I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind and quoted Alexander Pope's poem on my Facebook status. The next day, I was just… SHOCKED to see a familiar name and face on my friend request page. It was him. After 4 years. He probably searched me up (that would have been the only way, since we didn't have any common friends at all in Facebook).

I wasn't bitter, but it still stung. You don't just add people on Facebook like that, especially not an….. (dare I say it…) ex. I mean, the Facebook theme goes "Re-connect with old friends!" not "Re-connect with old lovers whom you sent hate mails to!"

But not adding him up would make me look like a snob and a loser. So I added him up and went to visit his page, and could only cover my mouth in shock to what I saw.

There, on the same day I quoted Alexander Pope, 5 MINUTES BEFORE I POSTED MINE, he quoted the very VERY same thing. Despite the 5 minute gap, there was no way in hell either one of us could have copied the other. He couldn't have copied me since obviously he posted it before I did, and neither could he see my wall, and I couldn't have copied him because… well why the fuck would I even do that?

Chills went through my spine. It seriously scared me. Rewind to my second year in high school, the way we met was COMPLETELY BY CHANCE AS WELL. It was one of those freak accidents or series of events that if JUST ONE tiny detail didn't happen, the result would have never happened at all. We didn't have any common friends. So if I had been doing something else that day we met, even being only a few minutes late, I would have never known him. Ever. He would have just  been another face I'd blankly look at if I passed by him. But no. Because I had done this and that, and maybe because he did this and that too, it ultimately lead to me meeting him. And since then he was not just another face anymore.

Obviously today it doesn't even matter. It is one of those fleeting events that used to mean a lot in the past but is something you don't even think about today. I just found it way too strange. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is about two ex lovers who somehow, despite all odds, found a way to be together again (even if their memory of each other was completely erased). 

Not that I'm saying that I want to be with him again. Times have changed and he's not really that magical and interesting anymore. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to be with me as well since he has a life of his own, and a current girlfriend at that. What I'm saying is, what was the point of meeting him? What exactly is the point of meeting someone against all odds if you two aren't going to end up together? What was the point of thinking of the same quote at the exact and precise moment? My friend told me it was too strange of a coincidence for something to not have a purpose. Was the fact that I met him, thought of the same thing at the same time despite years of no communication, only to reconnect with him again the next day, mean something? 

Ah, the questions I send to the cosmos.

The Butterfly Effect

I bought a blouse from Mango last week. Hilarious enough to say, I did the cardinal sin for every shopper: I didn't try it on before buying it. Weh, my mom was was in a hurry and I really didn't have time. I at least assumed that it would fit me.

So at home, I try it on and at first wore it as your average loose blouse. Then I discovered these ribbon things by the sleeves and assumed that it was meant to be put around the arm. This is what happens if worn correctly (at least I think this is the right way hah!)

Awkward face cropped out cuz I suck lol :(

You know, I'm not even so sure if it's supposed to be worn like that. I mean, it looks right, but it certainly doesn't feel like it. It's as if those ribbon thingies are cutting off the blood supply to my arms. Point is, I'm kind of hopeless at being a girl. Why do I even bother? I should have just bought a pair of baggy sweatpants and a loose shirt that has some \m/ symbol and the words "PUNK'S NOT DEAD" printed on the front.

Oh, and on a different note, for the first time in my entire life, I am able to say "I'm not sad it happened. I'm just glad that it's over." and mean every word of it.

I am never ever ever a morning person. All the more when I'm in my hometown, since my bed directly faces the east, and every morning I get a glimpse of what Kirsten Dunst might have felt in Interview With a Vampire. The only consolation I have for this is the delicious and meaty breakfast I have waiting for me downstairs.

This morning was an exception. I woke up late, and decided to have this as my breakfast, and my cure for an emotional hangover.

On a lighter note, my brother left for California yesterday. He is such a paranoid twat because he didn't bring his pirated House DVDs along for fear that he might get sent directly back to the Philippines if discovered. Right. As if not even the Queen herself buys something pirated once in a while. Or OK, I guess she doesn't, but that's not the point.

*headdesk*

I finally got Holden (my camera) back, and I thought I could polish my amateur photography skills and shoot to my heart's content when I realized: I left the fucking charger. Thought that was bad? Well it was only a teaser. Not only did I also accidentally leave the 3 books I bought so I wouldn't have to face the frigging laptop all throughout Holy Week (my own form of seeking penance), I also realized we are out of bread but ripe with a frigging jar of Nutella in the fridge. And you know what tops this epic story? We've bought my ticket but I am still unable to go to the trip.

At first I was all

 And when my own stupidity finally sank in...

And then finally

You be the judge if I'm being sarcastic or not :p

Anyway, here are two practice shots I did yesterday.

Guilty pleasure

Summer companions (minus the iPhone!)

The situation calls for it

Despite promising myself that I'd stop, I desperately need

one of these right now.

P.S. The picture isn't mine. I saw it on another blog somewhere who didn't cite the source.

P.P.S. Forgive me for the lack of original pictures. Maybe one day I'll post my own (pag maganahan haha) 

Oh boy.

GPOY.